The Effects of Quaaludes

Street Edition – Because science is boring

Let’s not sugarcoat it: Quaaludes were basically sleep aids for people who didn’t want to sleep.
In the 1970s, doctors handed them out like Tic Tacs, and the streets renamed them “disco biscuits.”
If cocaine was the party, Quaaludes were the slow-motion regret that followed — only people wanted that.

What even are Quaaludes?

Quaaludes (a.k.a. methaqualone) were sold as sedatives for anxiety and insomnia.
But once they hit the club scene, nobody was taking them to sleep — they were taking them to float.
You’d take one, and suddenly your body is made of soup, your brain thinks it’s Casanova, and gravity becomes optional.

Spoiler: you looked like a drunk toddler in platform shoes, but sure, keep vibing.

The Effects (a.k.a. what happens when you think you’re smooth)

– Relaxation: deep, full-body noodle mode
– Euphoria: everything’s hilarious, even your poor decisions
– Slurred speech: but with confidence
– Horny: dangerously so
– No coordination: stairs? Not today
– Blackouts: “What do you mean I danced with a ficus?”

It hit like Xanax and tequila had a baby and let it be raised by disco.

The Side Effects (a.k.a. the fine print nobody read)

– Memory loss. You’ll need someone to tell you what happened.
– Waking up next to someone who owns a ferret and three lava lamps.

Basically, it was like putting your nervous system in airplane mode while your libido borrowed your credit card.

Why did they ban it?

Because it got out of hand.
Because people kept sliding off bar stools like wet spaghetti.
Because doctors realized, “Hey, maybe giving people blackout pills with a side of horniness wasn’t our best move.”

So, they pulled the plug. Quaaludes became illegal almost everywhere by the mid-80s.
Now they’re mostly found in old rap lyrics, Scorsese films, and your uncle’s “Do Not Talk About This” stories.

Final Thoughts

You can’t take Quaaludes anymore.
But you can wear the energy.
Our shirts won’t knock you out or ruin your life... but they will raise a few questions.
And that’s honestly more fun.